Hollis:If you were a woman back in 1892
There'd be a lotta things you couldn't do
You always had to work and clean
And you couldn't leave your husband if he was mean
And you definitely couldn't speak your point of view
You couldn't really work or play or even exercise
When you're living in a man's world and you're not one of the guys
But the weirdest thing girls couldn't do
From cascadia to France
Is they could never ever never ever never never wear pants!
Evan:They couldn't wear pants??
Hollis:No! They definitely could not wear pants!!
Evan:Well if they didn't wear pants, what did they wear?
Hollis:What did they wear? What did they wear? Well first of all, they had to wear like 20 pounds of underwear!!
First there was the corset, laced really really tight
If you couldn't really breathe
They'd say it fit just right
Then you'd have to wear ten petticoats
When it would rain they would get soaked
You would drink tea and play croquet
In boobie boosting bustiers
It was awful hard to get around
With all these heavy clothes
It made it really easy to keep women in the home
Wow...that sounds awful.
It was awful! But don't worry! The story gets a lot better.
Great! What happens next?
Someone invents the bicycle!
Evan & Roxanne: YAY!!!
Hollis:Women couldn't really ride with all those extra clothes
So the petticoats got lighter and the corset had to go
But oh what an embarrassment
When you were riding by
And your petticoat got caught and over handlebars you'd fly
Evan & Roxanne: OH NO!!!
Hollis: In 1895 Ethel dermont thought of a solution
"I'll wear some bloomers!" she said with a determined absolution
They look a lot like pants,
They'd been around for 50 years
But people said that women wearin pants was kinda queer!
March 25th was the day she took her fateful ride
The people of Victoria were truly scandalized!!
Evan (as a Townsperson): Oh what a scandal
Oh what a sight
Parading in her underwear in broad daylight
Was that a touch of ankle
Was that a bit of skin
These infernal garments are such a horrible sin!
Us women are the weaker sex
Prone to moral failing
With our scandalous skin and bosoms
The men we all are baiting
Our petticoats protect us from the men who might accost us
By the time they reach the fourth ore fifth I'm afraid they might have lost us
Not like those peddling harlots
Who coast freely tempting fate
Who say feel my muscle
To try and find a date
Hollis: The police sprung in to action! Women's freedom they detested
Roxanne (as Policeman): You wear that bloomer suit again, you'll surely be arrested!
Til today we had only heard rumors
Of these mannish, ugly bloomers!
We can't have you go around dressing like men
It's the devil’s work! It's a preposterous sin!
If we let this one go
Next thing we know
Women will go dancing at the vaudeville show!
They'll abandon their husbands
Leave their children to the state
Serve instant mashed potatoes on our dinner plates
They'll turn in to witches
They'll squander our riches
On each other they’ll dote
They'll even want to right...to vote!!
Evan (as Townsperson): NOOOOOO!!!!!
Hollis (as Ethel): Have you nothing better to do than harass me while I'm out
I don't understand what all this kerfuffle is about!
Why is it that a strong women is what men fear?
We all deserve to share the right to wear pants upon on our rear
And if you think that what I'm wearing now is really crude
Well just you wait, in 100 years Victorians will be cycling in the nude!
(Once a year at the World Naked Bike Ride!)
I’ll turn my bike around, yes you cops have won today
But the wheels of change are coming and I'm here to lead the way
We can be good wives and mothers if we choose that life to spend
But a woman should not be defined by her relationship to men
(Harrumph!)
Hollis: The news spread far and wide
of Ethel's groundbreaking bike ride
And the people agreed
That those rules were just silly
So now we can wear pants
Without thinking twice
So don't forget this story the next time you ride your bike!
Evan: Wait, wait, wait! It might be OK for cis women to wear pants, but what about trans women, or other people who want to wear dresses without getting harassed or made fun of??
Hollis: Oh yeah! You’re right! I guess we should say...progress is like a tandem bike that’s going kind of slow, it’s hard to work together but it’s the only way to go!